i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
