so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
