And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
