i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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