Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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