I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
