I wannas sexs uuuuu
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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