we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I checked into jail on foursquare
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
