don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
