Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
