girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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