If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
