oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
