Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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