I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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