is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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