i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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