I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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