Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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