Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
