His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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