She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
