it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
