i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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