TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
