my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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