the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
