oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
