Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
