i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
