I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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