i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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