are you so shy because you have an std?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If I die, sorry about rent.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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