Need sex. Gaining weight.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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