I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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