So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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