Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
