Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
