At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
