dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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