6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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