so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
