He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
im holly from the hills drunk
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
