I love black thongs
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
