Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
