sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
