I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
