his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
