I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
