i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
