This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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