I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
