What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
