I want to have your abortion
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
