I cockslap morals
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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